FO: Aerie Shawl

As a Christmas present to myself, I joined the TFA Year in Colour Club for 2013.

The first pattern of the year was the Aerie Scarf by the very talented Julie Crawford. Now, my first thought on opening the pattern back in January was that it was very beautiful, but it was soooo not my style. I liked the lace pattern. I adored the yarn. But the scarf is just not my style. So I put everything for it aside and began ruminating about how to turn this into something that I loved.

IMG_1413

IMG_1424

full length view of the shawl

IMG_1423

lace detail

And then, in early March, I was watching The Dark Knight Rises. Now, most of you probably didn’t notice this, but in TDKR, some of Bane’s henchmen wear these red (probably asymmetrical) scarves that remind me of something Martina Behm would design.  IMG_1414 And that’s where I started working. I grabbed the (gorgeous) mulberry silk in boysenberry and my size 4 needles. And I started building an asymmetrical garter stitch scarf. Then, about three feet into the garter stitch, I added three repeats of chart A of the lace charts from Julie’s pattern. I then put in about eight or nine more rows of garter stitch, three more repeats of chart A, eight or nine more rows of garter stitch, and three more repeats of chart A. I used up about 75% of the skein (around 415 yards, I think).IMG_1415 And I am thoroughly pleased with the result. I foresee this baby getting a lot of use this spring. IMG_1418And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to make myself a pair of Patina socks

One Thing Needed

Last year, I wrote my “End of Lent” reflection on the topic of why I am Catholic. I focused on how the events of Holy Week have inspired, confirmed, and upheld my faith in Christ.

This year, I’m focusing it on a “trouble area” I’ve noticed in all of my Lenten blogging. I keep talking about what I can DO. What I can do.

And sitting here on Palm Sunday, I have come to a realization that this isn’t about me. It never was. It isn’t about what actions I can take. It isn’t about getting up earlier or reading a better book or going to church more. Ultimately, while all of that is good, that is not the point here. Ultimately, the point lies in me taking up my cross and denying myself.

Ultimately, all of my Lenten devotions-and really all of my life-should be about me surrendering myself into the hands of the Master. As I was out for a walk this evening and reflecting on my Lenten experiences for 2013, a clue by four came to me. I was thinking about all of the things that I didn’t do and all of the changes that I didn’t make. And then, I was reminded of something. Only one thing is needed.

““Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10: 41-42)

Only one thing is needed. Put your life in God’s hands and stop trying to run your own life. Give God everything. That’s all that I need to do. Everything else will come from that-the prayer, the change in attitude. It will all come if I put my life, myself into God’s hands every day, and live my life for him.

Now, that’s an easy thing to say, but it’s not an easy thing to live. I’m going to need loads and loads of grace to do it. And I’m going to need humility to do it.

But that’s all that I need to do. All I need to do is swallow my pride, look at the Cross, and say, “I need you.” God will do the rest.

I’m Bad at Lent

Tomorrow is somehow the fourth Sunday of Lent. I’m relatively certain that Lent actually only started yesterday, but that doesn’t make sense because yesterday was a Friday and Lent doesn’t start on a Friday for anyone.

So tomorrow is the fourth Sunday of Lent. And I still haven’t managed to stop swearing.

I’m trying to pray more. I’m reading The Imitation of Christ. (It’s great.) I’m pretty much not buying coffee on my way home from work-except this one time when it was either drink coffee or fall asleep at the wheel and I was relatively certain that God would understand. Since I haven’t been struck by lightning yet, I think we’re okay.

But I still swear. It’s not constant. But it’s still happening. It’s mostly in my head, but that doesn’t actually make it any better. It’s still wrong. It’s still something that I shouldn’t be doing. And I need grace to stop doing it. I need grace to find a different reaction in those moments when the f-word is dancing through my thoughts.

I have realized that swearing is my reaction to stress or frustration. And now I need a counter-reaction to those moments. I need to do something other than swear. Several years ago, I gave up swearing while a friend’s friend’s father was deployed in Afghanistan or Iraq, and every time that I wanted to swear, I prayed for this man and his family instead. I need something like that to do again.

And I need grace.

Right now, I’m thinking that I ought to pray for my students when I want to swear. And I need to ask for grace.

But I still feel like I’m bad at Lent. I should be becoming better. And I don’t feel like I’m changing. I need to go to Confession and I keep “forgetting.” (The forgetting is actually real. I would go to Confession on Saturday afternoons and I either find myself overbooked or overwhelmed by work. But there’s a communal penance service in nine days that I’m going to attend. This is a Plan.) Regardless, I feel like I need to be doing more and becoming more so that I’m better prepared for Easter.

And I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to become more or how to be more or how to do more. I keep asking God to take my heart from me and to give me His heart. I ask him to be my peace, my patience, and my joy. But I can’t get over the swearing thing. My parents gave up meat for Lent; I didn’t because I don’t feel that it means anything substantial to me. I don’t feel like it reflects real change to me right now. I want to stop wearing. But while the Spirit is willing, the flesh is weak.

And I somehow just keep feeling like I’m doing Lent wrong.