I joined Pinterest when it was still quite new-in early 2012, I think. Somewhere early in my Pinterest using days, I created a board that I named “Planning for my Maybe-Possibly-Someday Wedding.” It was where I stored all of my ideas that I could use if I ever had to plan a wedding. When I was 23 and single and whimsical, it seemed like a great idea. I was sure that I would be getting married at some point in the near future, and I was definitely going to need that Pinterest wedding board when the day of my engagement came.
Last night, three and a half years after I created it, I deleted that board. It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision, but it was an easy decision. Here’s why:
Whether or not you (my readers) like this, my singleness is a sore spot with me at the moment. I’m very single, and I’m very aware of my singleness at this point in my life. I don’t like how aware of it I am. In some ways, I don’t mind being single. I have a lot of freedom in my life that comes from being single. And I have sole possession of the remote control; that’s important. But I’m single, and sometimes, that bothers me. I’m discontent in my current state, and I’m also frustrated with myself for that discontentment.
I’m also having a hard time watching other people get married right now. I’m happy for my friends who have found their life partners, but I’m also dealing with a fear of being left behind or left out. I’m also being immature and having a hard time watching other people get things that I’d like to have.
Other people’s wedding planning boards can make me cry-for no real reason. I’m being incredibly silly and emotional about this. I’m not really at a place where I’m completely at peace with my singleness. (I pray about this. Often. I want to be at peace with my singleness.) And in being unsettled about my state of life, in being frustrated with where I am, I have chosen to un-follow other people’s wedding-related Pinterest boards. Maybe this makes me childish, but it helps me to remain calmer. It keeps me from becoming jealous of those who have what I want. It keeps me from being as discontent in being single.
But I’ve also come to realize that having my own dream wedding board isn’t helping me. It contributes to my discontentment in my current state of life. That might seem silly, but it’s true. Why am I dreaming about a wedding that may never happen? Why am I planning a wedding when I’m as single as the day is long? Why am I encouraging myself to look at things or think about things that make me discontented in my current state of life? All that the board does at this point in my life is remind me that I’m single and make me sad about what may never be.
I don’t need that that. I shouldn’t encourage myself to be unhappy where I am. I need to encourage my own peace of mind. I need to work to be at peace with this area of my life. And Pinterest wasn’t helping. As my friend, Katie says, you need to have a “pin-to-your-state-of-life policy.”
So I enacted one in my life last night. I got rid of my wedding planning board. If I ever need a wedding planning board, I can make a new one. And if I never need it, well, it’s not there to bother me. To me, the most important thing is that I find peace with where I am in my life. If that means that I don’t have a certain Pinterest board, that’s not the end of the world. I’m sure that if I ever do need to plan a wedding I’ll survive without that board I deleted last night.