I was recently asked why I want to get married. The quick easy answer for me is “because I want a KitchenAid.” (No seriously, I do, and I don’t understand [other than the cost] why I have to wait until I get married to get one. But if you want to buy me one, I’d love to have one. Also, I kind of want a purple one, but I’m not going to be picky.)
Also, I’ve put a lot of time and energy into building up my “Planning for my Maybe, Possibly, Someday Wedding” Pinterest board, and it’d be nice to get to use some of those ideas.
The real answer is more complicated. See, I’m Byzantine Catholic, and marriage is one of our seven sacraments. As Catholics, we define a sacrament as “an outward sign of an inward grace.” Well, hey, I like grace. I always want more of it. I definitely need more of it. So if there’s something that’s going to get me more grace, well, sign me up!
In Genesis, God says that is not good for Adam to be alone, and therefore he created Eve. (Gen. 2:18) I accept that. We aren’t made to be alone; we are made to live with other people. Marriage can help in this area, but that’s not entirely satisfactory reason for me. I have friends. I have family. Do I really need to get married just to keep me from being alone? Well, marriage does require a different sort of companionship and commitment than my relationship with my housemates does. It is a different kind of love.
Marriage is meant to be a mirror of the love of the Trinity. Cardinal Dolan explains that far better than I could ever dare, so just read him on the subject. Please.
In I John, St. John tells us that “God is love and the one abides in God abides in love and God abides in him.” (I John 4:16) I love that idea. I love it. Love comes from God, and if we are followers of God, then we must be mirrors of his love to the world. Marriage is a way of mirroring that love. But this is where that gets hard…
A few years ago, Haley of Carrots for Michaelmas wrote a post entitled “Marriage is a Kind of Death.” The title is a little shocking/jolting, but as I read it, I had to agree with that assertion. In the Gospel of John, Jesus tells us to “love one another as I have loved you.” (John 13:34) How did Christ love us? What was his greatest expression of love for us?
Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Phil. 2:6-11)
That is love. That’s the way that we’re supposed to love one another. That’s the love that our marriages are supposed to reflect to the world. I want to live that love. I want to be Jesus to those around me. Now, I don’t need to get married for that, but that’s what married love is supposed to be. And if I get married, that’s what I want. Is it hard? Yes. Will it require sacrifices from me? Yes. But will it be worth it? I believe yes.
The day after his wedding, Blessed Charles of Austria reportedly told his wife “Now we must help each other get to heaven.” That, to me, is one of the primary aims of marriage. Marriage is designed to draw us closer to God. It is supposed to help us to grow in holiness-by laying down our lives out of love for others. And this life then ought to be a witness to the world of God’s love for all of us.
A few years ago, I told a friend of mine that I don’t want to GET married; I want to BE married. The idea of a big wedding and having a party where I’m the center of attention is about as attractive to me as being boiled in oil. But on the other hand, I want to be married. I want to have a marriage; I’m just not enthusiastic about the part of my wedding where there will be people paying all kinds of attention to me.
When I recently told one of my housemates about this, she corrected me. “You don’t JUST want to GET married. You ALSO want to BE married.” She pointed out that the actual “getting married” part is the whole thing in the church, and I want that. I really do want to have a beautiful church wedding with all of the rituals and traditions that are inherent to a Byzantine Catholic wedding. But my desire to get married isn’t just about the wedding day. It’s about the life that comes with it.
I don’t want just the pretty day. I want the life that comes with it. I want the challenge of daily surrender, of putting another person (other people if I am blessed with children) ahead of myself. I want the life lived in the service of others.
I want to be married because I want to be a part of a union that reflects the love of God to the world. I want to be married so that I can live the love of Christ in a daily basis as my husband and I build a family. I want to be married because I want to build and encourage the Body of Christ. I want to be married because I believe that God has called me to marriage.
That’s the bottom line. It’s not Pinterest. It’s not the Kitchen Aid. It’s Christ crucified. (I Cor 1:23)
I believe that I was called to marriage. I believe that when I was 18 years old the Lord told me that I was made to be a wife and mother. And I believe that he has repeated that call to my heart and on my life multiple times since then.
So why do I want to get married? I want to do the will of God in all things.